Goodbye is too good a word

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Shootin’ rockets to the moon, kids growin’ up too soon

A partial listing of movies with adult themes that various adults allowed me to see back before I was an adult. We’ve talked about my mortality and my shitter on this blog, but in many ways this post is the most intimately revealing of all — you can look up the films on the imdb and figure out my real age.

First up, Lassiter, the film that turned Tom Selleck from a television joke into a bankable film star. My best friend and I were 13 when his mom took us to a matinee showing of the film, in which Selleck plays a dashing international cat burglar in 1939 London. The first place he burgles is fresh out of cats, but it does have a bored housewife who catches Lassiter in mid-rob and, naturally, disrobes. Six minutes in and there’s already a bare pair right up there, on the screen; couple minutes later Selleck is on top of a nude Jane Seymour. Just a few minutes after that and we get Lauren Hutton riding some guy and then stabbing him with an ice pick, Basic Instinct-style. I thought I might be misremembering that part, so in the interests of science I went to YouTube to check out the first reel. After my fifth viewing I began to think I may have given that “World’s Best Mom” mug to the wrong woman. Apologies, Mama DiBella.

But I can’t sell my own mom short. She did take me to see Flashdance when I was 12 — me and a couple of adolescent sisters who needed help developing insecurities about their bodies, I guess. Or maybe she was hoping the movie would inspire them to be dancers, or welders, I don’t know. What I do know is that she misheard a line from the Irene Cara title track: “Take your pants down and make it happen.” I says to her “Pay attention Mom — she hasn’t been wearing pants for the last hour and a half!”

And then there’s ol’ dad, he doesn’t get off scott free either. Took us all out for an afternoon of family entertainment when I was 12 — Risky Business. My overriding memory of this outing (passing even the generous servings of Rebecca DeMornay) was the moment when two of my sisters busted out an air-drum-solo to that Phil Collins song that plays when they “make love on a real train.” Must have taken hours of rehearsal time, I reckon. After the film Pop asked what I thought and I told him I gave it a boner thumbs up. He said “You were supposed to say you liked it but you didn’t understand it.”

If by “it” we mean “A laid-back parenting approach that lets a 13-year-old watch Purple Rain on cable,” then yes — I don’t quite understand it, but I liked it. Liked it very much indeed.


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February 23, 2009 - Posted by | Reviews

4 Comments »

  1. How could you leave out Blue Velvet?

    Comment by Amy G | February 24, 2009 | Reply

  2. Oh, I was a jaded old pervert of 15 by the time I saw that and She’s Gotta Have It. But Dad still wants to ask you about Star 80.

    Comment by davidsimons | February 24, 2009 | Reply

  3. I actually obeyed his orders not to watch it back then and didn’t see it until I was about 25. I still think we were way too young to watch Blue Velvet, that shit was messed up!!

    Comment by Amy G | February 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. I think I’m still not old enough to see Blue Velvet.

    Comment by davidsimons | February 28, 2009 | Reply


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